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Question about my path...

Posted by gentlew0lf on 2006.11.03 at 02:00
Current Mood: confusedconfused
This is preciously why I joined this community, so that I could have access to many different "teachers" rather then just one. Especially considering sometimes I'm not sure what to believe of what I'm told about wicca. I'm still learning, and now I'm questioning if Wicca is the path I'm following, or if I fall under something else???

Someone please help, I'm confused, and I have too many path's surrounding me. I'm not sure which way to follow. My Husband is an Odinist and follows the old Norse traditions, One friend is a wiccan, and still another friend calls himself an elementalist. I have all three of them "teaching me." I tend to understand and relate most to my elementalist friend, who has told me he doesn't see me as a "wiccan," but rather as a "shaman."

So what am I suppose to be studying??? My husband tells me that it's a good idea to study many different paths to find out which I relate to the most. Yet, at the same time, that tends to confuse me, because of the following:

For Samhain (Did I spell that right?? I'm sorry if I didn't, I'm being lazy about looking it up right now so I don't forget my train of thought.) my Elementalist friend bought me a deck of Tarot cards. It is a deck that I found at Barns and Nobels at the beginning of October and could hardly walk out of the store without it. It is called The Manga Tarot Deck, and I wanted it because I love the art!

Okay....and I couldn't keep from trying my first reading, which resulted as follows:

I used the Diamond Layout and My question was if Kyle would bother to come to visit his Daughter this Saturday...this is what happened...

The first card, the card which represents the Past, came up as being Death.

Well, uh.....Duh...that was kind of a "No Shit" moment.

The second card, the card which represents the present, came up as being Justice.

Again, this was a "Well DUH..." Moment.

The third card, the card which represents the future, came up as being The Devil upside-down

The books description of this goes as follows: "The Devil reversed could be an omen signalling the end of a relationship. You will become sick of what's been going on and will want to end it. If it's not a relationship with someone else that's got to end, have a look at the way you've been treating yourself recently. If you haven't given yourself the respect you deserve, who else is going to. Now's the time to end the pressure you've put yourself under."

Well, I can say that I've been treating myself just fine recently. Since starting Mary Kay, I've been building my confidence and I've been working on my spiritual journey, and I've been really happy for the first time that I can remember for a long time. Which means, that leaves one thing...the end of a relationship? I wonder if Kyle's going to pull trying to sign off on his rights to Leigh Ann again?

Anyway, the fourth card, the card which offer's advice as to what you should do, came up as being The High Priestess upside-down.

Now, I haven't completely figured this one out yet...though the book's description is as follows: "This card calls on you to stop being so picky about other people. The High Priestess is about wisdom rather than judgement, and if you carry on like this, you're going to find yourself without any mates. Nobody wants to hear negative stuff all the time. Turn it round and use your insights to shine your light rather than turn everyone off."

Ok...so, um......only thing I can figure is that it's telling me to leave things be. What will be will be, and that complaining about it is only going to annoy people to the point of not wanting to be around me. I totally understand that nobody wants to hear negative stuff all the time.

I originally posted those results to my journal, and my Wiccan friend replied telling me that we (as wiccans) aren't suppose to do our own readings (she had asked me to do a reading for her regarding her own court hearing), but that this one was okay because I was doing the reading for my daughter.

Okay.....so I have since been pondering this, and I'm not questioning if the Wiccan path is for me or not??

So I understand the reasons why a Wiccan isn't suppose to do their own readings... I had that explained to me by my Elementalist friend... but my thoughts on the subject are that the Tarot don't predict the future. They tell you what could happen if you chose a certain path. It is my belief that the future is not set and it changes based on the decisions we make today and the road we decide to follow (my favorite poem is "The Road Not Taken"), and so, to me, reading the Tarot is for guidance. A way to help you decide which path to follow.

So, that being said.... What am I?? My Elementalist friend has the same thoughts, and thus is why he said he sees me as more of a Shaman then a Wiccan. Either which way, I'm still Pagan, I'm just confused as to my path. I use to study "shamanism" in High School...but I never got in dept with it, and I'm not sure if I should keep reading "Bucklands complete book of Witchcrafdt". or not. Why keep studying Witchcraft if I'm not meant to be Wiccan? Oh, I understand it's good to know about different paths, but I can go back to it when I'm less confused. Shouldn't I be studying the path that is right for me first?

I mean, I believe in Mother Earth and in "A creator" Whether the Creator is the same as Mother Earth or different, I don't know yet. I love nature and can relate to the Earth Magick of Wicca, but I know that my totem is the Wolf. Do Wiccan's have "totems" or is that a Shamanistic thing? I love hiking, and when I'm in nature, it speaks to me. The Wind gives me advice and I take my "energy" from the wind. I love the Symbolism of the pentacle as "Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit," and have even bought a Pentacle ring that I now wear. I also wear a necklace made of of Runes to symbolize "Strength of Self."

I'm sorry for the rant. I guess I'm just looking for a little guidance somewhere, aside from my husband and Elementalist and Wiccan friend.

Any help is greatly appreciated and I thank you so much.

Bright Blessings...

Comments:


jaiden_z
jaiden_z at 2006-11-04 03:06 (UTC) (Link)
hey~ all I can say is that you aren't alone. I go back and forth alot too, with the whole, am I Wiccan or what question. I still don't think there's a correct answer. The advice that I was given was that as long as I kept questioning and trying to learn things, that I was going in the right direction. I tend to lean a little way of the Buddhists. And you can be two different paths at the same time.
And I haven't heard the thing about not reading Tarot for yourself thing, but then again, I'm not totally Wiccan. I've done some for myself.
i certainly don't have all the answers, but it sounds like we have some of the same questions.. so I am gonna email you and we can talk more.
Blessings!
revia
revia at 2006-11-05 01:28 (UTC) (Link)
Not reading for yourself is not a Wiccan thing. A lot of people advise against it. Including myself. It's sort of like psychotherapy. You can't truly diagnose yourself because you are too involved in the situation. It is better to have someone who is removed and completely objective do a reading. You tend to see what you want to see when you read the cards yourself.

Also, I'm not sure if others told you that Death in the Tarot is not a bad sign. It simply means change. Letting go of the old to allow the new into your life. Justice does not always mean anything in the court system. Depending on where it lands and what it looks like (to me when I am reading it anyhow) it can mean balance, impartiality, or fairness.

I'm not a big fan of "the little white book" that comes with most Tarot decks. There are a number of good books out there, with more in depth versions. Try looking for one that shows the journey or progression of the cards. A site that I really like is http://www.aeclectic.com Their explanations are pretty good.

As for where your path lies, others cannot tell you what you are. Some people journey and question all of their lives. The journey itself becomes the path. (Not all who wander all lost!)

Since you don't think you feel a draw to Wicca, but do feel something about Shamanism, maybe you should try reading more anthropologically or sociology-viewed books. I organize our local book club and can recommend dozens (ok. maybe hundreds) of books that connect to Paganism in one way or another. Some are great. Others not so, but important to read nonetheless.

You might also try to learn meditation and try to meditate on the path you are looking for. When you still your mind, some things become very obvious and you start to kick yourself in the metaphysical behind for being so dense.

OK... I have rambled enough on your post. I will go gather some of my favorite books to lend newbies, and get back to you with tites, authors, ISBN codes and such. :-)
(Anonymous) at 2009-10-11 01:11 (UTC) (Link)

Take a look ahead.

Labels, everyone labels something and then it stops being what it once was, something honest.
I’ll spare you the Frances Bacon lecture on Idolatry. LOL
There is no one path, only the path you are on. See it. Be true to yourself and follow it. But know, wants are not truths, they are wants. You must seek truth around you and in yourself, knowing there is no free lunch. No give, without take. Karma is balance; it is conservation of all things and actions. It is a law, not only of religions, but even of physics. We often are blind to the costs of actions we take as well as to those others have taken. We just as often ignore the consequences of future decisions.
Well, I can agree with most of the posted comments, but I will add this consideration, “No one knows you like you do. No one, ever will.”
Only you are with you 24/7 and only you know your thoughts and feelings, so reading for yourself can be the same thing as lying to yourself. You can do it, many people do, but it requires that you are true to yourself. You can get a bad reading from others just as easily, or even give bad readings. Your entire reading comes down to this, “(Death and Justice) you have gone through changes; (Justice and the Devil) there are more changes to come with consequences. (High Priestess and Devil) Get rid of labels and generalities. Remove your preconceptions, hang-ups, opinions and judgments; they will only cause harm in the future. Be open to new ideas and to yourself.
Almost all your cards were cards of change.
So do your own readings. You will find it is like meditation, if you do it right. You may illuminate things about yourself you never knew, hidden from even those around you. I recommend the I-ching to anyone trying to do divination as the first step, because it reveals the methods and uses of the art better than any other manuscript.
As for ‘Time’, this is a topic even physicists debate about, determinism, free will, and chance.
Well real time is all three working together, those of us who have actually seen things before they happen and actually try to change them find out you can’t. You cannot change a vision, because you can’t ‘see’ something that might be, only things that are. But visions tend to be still events like photos, leaving huge gaps between frames even when you see them in succession. Think of falling dominoes. So what we see is limited to our vision, as is the determinable future. Everything else is either chance or choice; even the determinable future isn’t set until chance and choice have their swing at bat. That said, it still leaves a lot of room for chance and free will.
Divination is the act of finding out the ‘could be’s’ and forks in the path you are on, not determining what will be.
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